"the closer we get to God the more we realize how simple we are."

it is the statement that best sums up where my heart is at right now. as i dwell more on Papa's holy love, proclaim thanksgiving daily, and read from my old journal rejoicing as His inspiration is all over the pages i see myself as His simple child. in psalm 20:5 it says, " may we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners! may the Lord fulfill all your petitions!" as i am caught up with the banner dangling over my head i no longer look down to see the flaws in myself. i see His extravagant love and bold beauty over me. i cry out to Him, praise Him with open arms for the salvation i have been given. i am lovely He says. i am kind and faithful. one night i walked home with a friend and she encouraged me to speak out what God was saying. so i allowed God to speak over me as i was simply His mouthpiece. what came out of my mouth astounded me and i realized yet another time how highly He thinks of me. when He told me i was kind and faithful i was taken aback. i started to cry. i believe it was because when i use words to describe God i often say He is kind and faithful. how could an Almighty God think that i am kind and faithful? then i remember how God dwells inside of me. how His holy love dwells inside of me. He has given me the ability, the strength, the longing to be kind and faithful. He says, "delight in Me and I will give you the desires of your heart." oh to delight in Him. to mull over, to reflect, to meditate on His faithfulness, on His beauty, on His kindness. i have often focused so much on the second half of that verse but now what intrigues and captivates my heart the most is the "delight in Me" part. He has brought me deeper in understanding sitting at the table and eating the sweet sweet honey He has placed in front of me. i choose to be with Him and be consumed in His light. it becomes clear that He has made me for love... to be His child who is to receive.




the creative potential of laughter
and the undeniable power of an infant's joy live inside me.

Thank You
        is the password
                    for the door
                              into Papa's heart.

i started dancing right after i woke up this morning.
i felt i was stepping into God's heart.
i feel so alive and in whatever way my body was moving expressed my gratitude.
i felt Him beaming down at me with delight saying "i want to be close to you.
thank you for choosing to wake up and worship me with all you have."

choose to dance for Him and with Him.

No place I would rather be

No place I would rather be

No place I would rather be

Than here in Your love here in Your love

Set a fire down in my soul that I can't contain that I can't control

Cause I want more of You God I want more of You.

these lyrics have been incessantly strumming in my mind and exiting out of my mouth. after going to a women's conference in the south of norway last weekend i have been dwelling, meditating, longing with such a strong yearning to be near to Him... to be in His love. a fire can be uncontrollable; sometimes it cannot be contained... and is that not the beauty of it all. it is His love that is encompassed in a sea with no floor... no limits to His extravagant love. this week we had a teacher come speak on the Word of God and how we can practically engage and increase our passion for the Word. i loved the definition of wisdom... she stood on a chair and said it is when we see from God's perspective... we choose to see from the height He stands at and the depth He holds. and so i asked God to give me His wisdom today and i was able to see clearly from His standpoint. we did an exercise of staring, holding, eating, drinking different objects that the Word is compared to in the Bible.  the first station i went to was the fireplace... i was quite drawn to the warmth seeing as Norway's brisk cold days are coming in full force.

i read jeremiah 23:29 which says,

"Is not my word like fire, declares the LORD..."

this is how Papa spoke to me.

God's Word is all-consuming, everlasting, never fading. Jesus came to fulfill the Law, flickering with light and hope. breathed upon- the heat from a fire intensifies when exposed to oxygen. "All Scripture is breathed out by God..." 2nd tim. 3:16. the beauty of the flames radiates another person's face across from you. you get God's perspective- wisdom. you get to receive compassion and enlightening in your heart in the knowledge of who He is. the deep, rich, distinct smells stick to you as the fragrance of Jesus should stick to one who has just encountered His holy presence while meditating on the "I AM." Holy and Pure. i can only be this way because my Father is. i don't want to run away... all of who He is is so enticing. His words hold me.

stare at a fire. jer. 23:29. take a glance at a lamp. psalm 119:105. eat a piece of bread. john 6:35. eat honey. psalm 19:7-11.

God will speak to you about His Word.

the Word is the overflow of His heart.  i want to soak in that overflow. i want more of Him. the Word both teaches and trains. we have to be willing to listen and walk out what Holy Spirit is teaching us. this is the training part. His love is a fire that cannot be contained and controlled. He has released His wisdom and i am compelled to walk worthy desiring more and more of Him on the path of life and light. 

RISK.

50 teams. 46 nations. the whole continent of Europe will be swept up in His love. idols will be torn down and His name will be glorified.

Something like this has never happened before. We are history changers.

What an amazing privilege it is.

what we are doing is a drop in a big pool but because it is in God's will it will make such an impact. how glorious it is to be a part of this movement.

one woman from our base shared last night to the 240 people gathered for the kick-off. she was in israel a couple of years ago and a man prayed for her. he said a group of mighty warriors was going to be sent out from Norway to all of Europe. that prophecy is coming true today and within the next couple of days.

stay updated with stories on the RISK facebook page and be inspired and motivated by His love. http://www.facebook.com/#!/risk.europe

we are praying both friday and saturday at 12 pm and 6 pm central European time. join in and be a part of this Kingdom's work!

may we be controlled by God's love in reaching His children. 2nd Cor. 5:14.

"On the contrary, when they saw that I had been entrusted with the gospel to the uncircumcised, just as Peter had been entrusted with the gospel to the circumcised... and when James and Cephas and John, who seemed to be pillars, perceived the grace that was given to me, they gave the right hand of fellowship to Barnabas and me, that we should go to the Gentiles and they to the circumcised." galatians 2:7,9

the word entrusted has stuck out acutely to me this week. the Lord has entrusted me with so much. i am astounded. overwhelmed. and humbled. i have the beautiful opportunity to disciple as He disciples me by hearing His voice and living by the words i speak. i smile thinking about this week and all the times i shared what i felt Him prompting me to and how it ministered to my heart.

i feel i have the best job in the world. this was the first full week with the students. the Lord showed me so much hope, joy, and the fruit of following tenaciously after Him. 

on friday morning i was able to pray for one of the students. as she was kneeling the Lord started speaking to me about her. He gave me a picture and so i went to go kneel down beside her. i love how the Lord can just give you one picture, one word and if you are faithful in delivering it He will give you more. so what started as sharing a picture turned into five minutes of Him sharing His heart with me about His precious daughter. i felt so zealous, so jealous for her afterwards... that she is God's child. "for we are no longer slaves but sons." i am so eager to hear her share her testimony... to use her voice. afterwards she told me the picture i first received was almost identical to one she received in her quiet time with God that morning. she is His flower and He will use her colors to express His love and affections to the people of this world. 

i am so blessed. Jeg er så velsignet!

in just one week i have seen freedom unleashed, tears shed, people healed.

all i can think of is how can i not serve a God this big.

Beundring. Admiration.

I admire Him.

 

rest.

the Lord has been emphasizing the word "rest" in this season as i choose to dance with Him. as soon as i saw this picture i was reminded of the busyness that is usually going on in my life and then in the center there is me standing on the rock adoring the beauty of Creator God. these past couple of weeks i have been given many responsibilities and tasks seeing as the students arrive in three days. i have my list of what needs to get done. to surrender my time to rest and relax today instead of getting a head start was a difficulty. what i gleaned today from being in the Lord's presence made it all worth it. i listened to a sermon and the pastor said, "in order to find rest we must first allow God to find rest within us." before listening to the message i had read in 2nd Chronicles the beginning process of Moses building the temple. as i read i was in awe of Moses' response in saying, "But who is able to build him a house, since heaven, even highest heaven, cannot contain Him?" this mindset continued until Jesus came and said, "And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him or knows Him. You know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you." john 14:16-17. God wants to live inside of us and be Himself. God cannot be contained yet He can make His dwelling place within us. God wants to live in us undiminished. He calls us home. how beautiful it is that we can turn all activity off for a day and embrace His peace inside of us, His hospitality, and His warmth.

a simple story.
written by my detailed God.

in krakow, poland.
a beautiful, preserved city.
i bought a 2 liter bottle of Fanta.
it is a tradition to buy and try Fanta in every country.
inspired by a friend.
i only consumed half of this delicious orange bubbly beverage.
so i decided to bless one of the YWAM Skien staff.
i gave him the rest of my Fanta.
he is so fond of it.
he gratefully received it.
story continues...
he couldn't finish it.
placed it on the top of a trash can.
a man immediately came and grabbed hold of the bottle.
the man did not look in the best condition as far as his outward appearance.
the staff, a group of them, decided to give him the rest of their food.
and the rest of their zloty. (polish currency)
the staff walked away heading towards security.
the man ran after them.
camera in his hand.
one of the staff had left his camera on a bench.

the man was blessed immensely.
most likely overcome with love, kindness, and generosity from the staff.
i like to call them my family.
a sweet and satisfying drink to a man with little.
the love poured out was poured back.
God is omniscient.
God is kind.
God does and will not forget His children.
God has written our stories.

a story of a 2 liter bottle of Fanta.

A river touches places of which its source knows nothing, and Jesus says if we have received of His fullness, however small the visible measure of our lives, out of us will flow the rivers that will bless to the uttermost parts of the earth. We have nothing to do with the outflow - "This is the work of God that ye believe. . . ." God rarely allows a soul to see how great a blessing he is.

rivers flow out of me because of His goodness and fullness.

White flowers and songbirds.

as i walked home from a lovely party which consisted of me learning Norwegian, eating a lot of cakes, and socializing with both old friends and people i had just met i walked down the streets of skien back to my home... the base. one of the many simplicities i love about norway... all the walking. the amount of time i am able to use to walk to the places i need to go is such a blessing. so as i walked home last night Papa (God) kept on highlighting and showing me white flowers. i picked a couple, smelt a couple, and danced my way back home. it was such a beautiful time to bond with my Daddy and hear Him speak. as i picked or smelt the white flowers i was reminded of my purity and how He deems me as "clean." i have lived many years believing the lie that i was dirty. i don't believe i was fully aware of this lie but looking back and reflecting i see the control it had on me. i wasn't free... i was locked in a cage. i have been listening to a song entitled, "cagebreak" and i love how in the song it says, "hey little bird, hey little bird you weren't meant to live in a cage, you were born to fly." this lie of dirtiness was brought to light and to hear the words from my Father "you are clean" was and is so precious. i don't have to be trapped in these lies... i was made to fly. so i release what could easily entangle and deprive me of His love and choose to believe
i was made to soar.
i was made to sing.
i was made to color outside the lines... be limitless in where i go.
i was made to speak of the freedom i find by receiving from Him.




dancing in a field in Hamar, Norway. my freedom cry.



Heihei!!!

Fint å treffe deg... Nice to meet you! Here is one Norwegian phrase I have learned while being here!! Practice up!

I thought I would also share a picture of what my base looks like from the outside... at least the sign for UiO (Ungdom i Oppdrag) Youth With a Mission.

I will be gone the next ten days going to Stavern for Gofest which is a festival mainly for YWAM families and their friends and DTS staff training at Grimerud (another YWAM base.) I will be helping serve in any way possible at the festival and also listen to messages and spend time with my family here in Norway. Who knows what will come for my time at the DTS staff training. I am so eager to go to both places and take in more of the Norwegian culture in the east.

Please pray for the people to be touched at the festival and for passions to be heightened. Pray for an increase of faith and a fresh wind of revelation on obedience.
Please be praying for diligence in my time management as well as planning out goals and expectations for my time as staff. Pray for my heart to continue to be softened and have compassion and understanding for my team. Pray for the bond of peace to prevail in our unity for our DTS staff here at Skien.

Thank you so much.
Oh and please pray I would learn the language speedily!

Psalm 19:7

i am in SKIEN NORWAY.


i have been in norway for two days immensely blessed by Papa’s tenderness, love, and graciousness.


i had the amazing opportunity to talk with a man by the name of Edward who sings blues with his band all over the U.S. and all over Europe. i was sitting next to him on my airplane ride from chicago to stockholm and i was able to share why i was hoisting a 33 pound carry-on into the baggage compartment. i told him i was heading to norway for 10 months (this made more sense as i was also carrying around my baby blue winter jacket) and told him how my time in Skien would entail me being a leader at a missions school. i was excited as he said, "God does lead us to mysterious places." i nodded my head with much enthusiamsm and went on to say i read a beautiful passage of scripture this morning. he took out his nook contraption and went to the king james version link. he went on to read Psalm 16 and then bookmarked it saying, “i have to remember this.” i was so encouraged because my friend claire and i had decided to start memorizing this psalm as we were driving to the airport. my favorite part of the psalm is when David says, "The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."


yes we have beautiful inheritances in being His children and having Him as our chosen portion. i am here in Norway soaking up what i have so dearly and simply missed. i am so honored to be going to the mountain with my Papa. there is no good apart from Him and so i choose to follow His voice, His footsteps, and His light.


i feel the Lord saying i have chosen the good part. i am choosing to equip myself with the Word... to cling to it so i can continue to have experiences similar to Edward’s. the Word comes alive as i sit and read it in quiet time and then as Papa gives me opportune times to share it with people around me.
the Word.
this adventure.
the provision.
my brothers and sisters… the body.
this is my beautiful inheritance.

I am going to the mountain with my Papa.
He has provided in so many ways that I will later share about.
So I step into this journey eager, expectant, inspired, and confident in His love, grace, and peace.

once again the Lord has been delighting and refreshing my heart by inviting and bringing me to several gardens this past week. the Lord spoke so deeply and intricately about the garden during my time at IHOP and to now actually be standing in the midst of several i am filled with the utmost peace, inspiration, and longing. He in His perfect leadership has led me to His gardens to remind me of the work He has done and is doing in my heart. 


i love what a friend shared last week that as we bear fruit we can be encouraged that not only does it nourish us and the ones around us but the fruit in itself encompasses a wide variety of beauty because it comes from a flower. we bear light and beauty refreshing souls around us. 


yesterday when i was peering around a good friend's back yard i was so encouraged to hear the story of the vision of her backyard and how it has come to be. as her husband and son joined in this summer they viewed it as work but as she started showing them what she was envisioning their passion was stirred and their whole perspective changed from having to do this project to getting to do this project. no longer was it an arduous task but a beautiful blooming opportunity. they were able to contribute in some way and partner together to complete the planting.


so with these reminders of holding beauty, Holy Spirit nourishing me, being poured out to nourish others, and how we get to partner with God in this grand scheme of life sparks up eagerness in my heart and a longing to pursue and achieve. 


to be His fragrance.
His love smells so sweet and His mercy smells of rejuvenation.
may i bear His scent.




  hungering Freedom.

"Stars call me closer
The earth is dragging me down
I want to be more than hungry
I want to live somewhere other than this old gray town

I want to fly away far beyond my cage
Where I hear freedom singing
You are telling me again there’s no door to keep me in
I hear freedom singing~"

//to be a child in a blue dress. an open door in the background. i get to taste FREEDOM. the King of glory has beckoned me to the door, has invited me, and i am no longer content with a wooden box. oh to be in His garden singing freedom.


i want this revelation every day. to know i am not restricted in a cage or a box by pressure i place upon myself, what i limit myself to. there is no door to keep me in. the light attracts me and i am overcome with an urgency. my days are His and i am His bird flying over the mountain tops singing freedom. may i long and love to be in His presence. i need to reclaim and ask the Lord to redeem what i have allowed to slip out of my fingers and seep out of my heart. i cannot stifle myself in a cabin so preoccupied with tasks i miss His beauty. my yearns to be soaking and soaring in His beauty all day.//

why do you love Jesus?
i was posed this question about a week ago and thought it quite brilliant to dwell on and ask myself frequently.
why do I love Jesus...
He never ceases to amaze me with His beauty.
His kindness pours over into my cup and i realize how i am to love and see others as He does.
He brings me freedom.
He is my refuge... He is a hiding place where peace, my sense of worth, His sincerity, and His gentleness reign.
after reading my Bible i walk away feeling alive and refreshed by what only the Holy Spirit can do.
He tells me i am beautiful and i believe it.
He has given me my origin, my purpose, and my destiny.
He is my all in all.
He gathers my tears in bottles.
He is my Father. i get to be a part of His family.

transform the space you're in.
i saw this billboard and was immediately inspired by it.
i thought i would post it on my blog.
it reminded me of the idea of being a thermostat versus a thermometer.
we are to change the room temperature, the place we are in, the people we are surrounded by, versus being changed by the room temperature, our surroundings.
this was posted outside of my friend's sister's apartment in Chicago. my transition ground from kansas city to appleton. i was able to be in Chicago for a day and a half before coming back to WI... a well needed debriefing time.
it is different this time around here in appleton. that is all i can say. yet my Papa is constant and not changing. He has promised me i have been transformed. He told me yesterday as i looked in the mirror i hold knowledge of Him inside of me. last night i attended a phil wickham concert and then this morning i was at a catholic polka mass for father's day. in both places and in many instances throughout my day i was and am experiencing His presence. He has transformed me and He meets me no matter where i am as i choose to worship Him throughout my day. His peace and joy pour forth as i choose to worship Him transforming the space, the place i am in.

“He has ravished my heart as I have ravished His wandering in the wilderness led by Holy Spirit, holding the God man’s hand, and encouraged by my Papa.” H.J. Thompson

We were instructed to write one or two sentences incorporating all of what God has done during this five month internship. Something like this always proves to be difficult seeing as I like to put so much detail into my writing. I appreciated the challenge and even reading over this statement saturates my entire being with overwhelming thanksgiving.

I have been in the wilderness as He has been equipping me for my next season, the next part of my pilgrimage as I like to say. I have quite enjoyed eating locusts and drinking honey sort to speak if one was comparing it to John the Baptist. John the Baptist emerged from the wilderness to go preach of the kingdom to come and baptize people paving the way for Jesus. Yes, I am a forerunner. As they say at IHOP. “You are a forerunner now whether or not you want to be!” So I have this responsibility or more what I like to say a privilege to pave the way for Jesus returning and establishing His kingdom as it is in Heaven on earth.

I cannot tell you how many paradigm shifts I have had over the course of these five months. My brain is exhausted but also hungering for more… not satisfied. Even pondering and coming up with my life vision I have such a new outlook, such a deep appreciation for my purpose because ultimately I know my destiny with the Lord. I am a part of His unraveling plan. A couple of nights ago I had a beautiful time of weeping when I was awestruck with the idea of being a part of Jesus’ inheritance. Mike Bickle in His Song of Songs study notes says the first four chapters are about the Shulamite woman being focused on her inheritance and by the last half of the book she is overcome by her position to be a part of His inheritance. So as I was worshipping this thought came to mind about being His inheritance and I felt so much of His love but also a fear of the Lord. How unfathomably powerful, sovereign, and just in general how big He is. A fear of recalling and meditating that it is only by His son’s blood am I accounted as righteous. NONE of what I have done has purchased my salvation. I am freed by the truth the cross speaks and what it guarantees… grace, mercy, love, and restoration.

So this is a little flavor of what it is going on in my mind four days before the internship ends. I come back to Appleton in one week. Get ready for some light!

And here is a little poem I wrote about a girl who goes missing and lives with so much grief in her heart as she thinks she is the one to blame.

A tireless search seeking rest and peace

Thoughts angrily buzzing never to cease

She asks, had I been on a different path

Hope dissolving. As she questions His wrath

He inscribes “I am the Judge” on her heart

Proclaiming truth over her since the start

His mercy and judgment work hand in hand

He cries deeply for justice in the land

Boldly He says, “Stop. Now listen to My voice.

It is not your fault… not because of your choice

Be set free from the haunting fear and shame

Jesus has conquered. Carry no more blame.”

I will extend my justice on your captor

Peace and rest comes as she sees a door.

she saw the love of a Man
she left what she knew and ran
her voice cried out after Him
dawn until the lights were dim
she was not led by reason
but by what her Love had done
love as the light in her soul
violent warmth filling the hole
bright, vibrant reality
sealed on her heart the decree
to seek after His Kingdom
for righteousness to overcome
His name a beacon of light
proclaimed in the nations with might
radiant from what she beholds
the story of Jesus unfolds.

a poem inspired by a word spoken over me as being a beacon of light as well as having the desire to be a voice versus an echo.

i have a voice to proclaim His story and mine which is encompassed into it!

stop acting as though you can earn it
i don't love because you deserve it
i love you because that's who I am
let love win.

Dancing at midnight in a thunderstorm encompassed by His rain.

Sorting out postage stamps on the kitchen floor enthusiastically gazing at each stamp from Indonesia to Barbados to Japan to Switzerland to the Netherlands to the US.

Talking with an older couple in their 70’s at a rummage sale with two friends explaining to them IHOP as they eagerly asked more questions.

Cleaning the kitchen with the utmost detail dialoguing with my Father.

Finding a delicate pink flower right outside of my front door on a Friday morning which matched so perfectly with my outfit or at least I though it did.

Eating applesauce in my living room on a Thursday afternoon.

These...

were...

just a couple of events or moments that occurred this week where or when I could feel the Lord’s delight. He loves when we enjoy what He so graciously gives. He delights in us enjoying how He intricately and perfectly made us. Wow. He really enjoys when I dance in the rain… my Father loves to watch me leap and frolic around as the rain pounds down. I want to know my Father’s heart, how He is so perfect, how He is so kind, how He smiles upon me, why He dances and sings over me.  Last night He asked me, “Didn’t I make you an extravagant worshiper?”  Only ten minutes later His question was confirmed when people came up to pray for me and kept on mentioning worship in my life. He loves us so much. He knows us perfectly. “How precous to me are your thoughts, O God. How vast is the sum of them. If I would count them, they are more than the sand.”

“When he has leveled its surface,

Does he not scatter dill, sow cumin,

And put in wheat in rows,

And barley in its proper place,

And emmer as the border?

For he is rightly instructed;

His God teaches him.”

Isaiah 28:25-26

There is an acronym, TRUST, that I try to pray out on a daily basis.

IHOP really appreciates acronyms as do I.

The last T stands for Teaching. So I ask daily that God would teach me, instruct me, give me insight into comprehending more of who He is.

I once again get this vivid picture of God taking my hand and holding it the whole time in planting and constructing my garden. (Maybe I should plant a garden… I keep on receiving these most wonderful and detailed pictures.) But anyways I love the thought of being rightly instructed. Who wouldn’t want to be led by the perfect Leader who holds all the wisdom of the world? Who wouldn’t want to be taught by the most knowledgeable Teacher?

Her Tired

Weary

Wrinkled hands.

Marked with the character of her Beloved.

The creases deep in her palms.

Holding rivers of strength and power.

The loose, flexible skin gently falling on the plow.

The cold touch of the metal grasping her heart with words of Excellency.

“she considers a field and buys it;

with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.” proverbs 31:16

“she dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.” proverbs 31:19

after reading these verses I wrote the above passage which seemed so real and fresh in my mind. i could actually see these woman’s hands and envision them being placed on a plow. i think it is because i long for my hands to look like the image that came to mind. i long for the creases to be deep with power and strength. i want to tend to what i have been prepared and called to do. i want to work for the Kingdom’s sake because of the love i have for the Father and the authority of the power i have living inside of me. some weeks ago i was at Shiloh, a retreat center that IHOP owns, going on an adventure and i came across a tree that had tipped over and had been uprooted. just minutes prior i had asked the Lord to remind me of a passage that i could mediate on or memorize. instantly when i saw the uprooted tree, the orange, stoic, wearisome looking roots made me think of ephesians 3:16-19. it is a prayer we often pray at IHOP and as i sat there looking at the roots i felt charged as i said with authority, “that according to the riches of His glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being…”

strengthened with power.

once you proclaim the truth, actually speaking it out that is when Holy Spirit can show up with His power.

it is knowing we have the victory… when He says He will fight for us He has… He has already won… and it is up to us declaring the victory and rebuking the enemy.

to plunge forward i know i need to plant a vineyard with the fruit of my hands.

Mike Bickle often uses the illustration of us demanding God to come and till the soil, to plant the seeds, to do all the work. He will provide the sun, the rain but we have authority, we have His strength by Holy Spirit’s power to do the work.

these next six weeks (only a month and a half left) are ones I want to be relying on His strength and grace to adorn me. i want to bear fruit!

“To be with you and unashamed, in a sweet downpour of innocent rain

I want it like it was back then; I want to be in Eden.”

“All is for Your glory,

All is for Your name,

That in all things you may have the first place

That in all things you may have preeminence.”

These are two songs that were part of my playlist on Friday morning in the prayer room. It was specifically created and orchestrated by the One who knows me best.

I was so honored and full of joy and peace as Papa surprised me with these beautiful lyrics… words that have been in my heart dying to get out in a musical, harmonious way. There is something so special starting your birthday off in the prayer room basking in a place where His love and presence abound.

To be with Him and unashamed… to have no barriers, no vain ambitions, no embarrassment or self consciousness but to be able to stare Him in the face, the fullness of glory. I smiled/ chuckled to myself as the rain steadily was pouring down that morning as I made my way to the prayer room. I had asked for a sunny 80 degree day, yet I felt the Lord saying, “Hailley, I know what you like best. You love the rain. A sweet downpour of innocent rain.” I want to be in Eden. Eden was the first holy of holies. The temple design given to David and then put into construction by Solomon even contained elements that represented the garden. Our hearts long for what we were and where we were created to be. I want to be back in Eden.

And the next song expresses what I want to be in my mind and on my heart every day. His preeminence. His incomparability. His superiority. To proclaim these words, to testify as a faithful witness. By His grace, I am in a place of stepping into these words “All is for Your glory.”

And then my mother visited. The one who brought me into this world 21 years ago. I am so grateful and overwhelmed by His kindness.
He treats me so well.

Walking Worthy.

What a perfect topic seeing as my word for the year is sanctification. If you didn’t read my first blog entry you should because that will give you a complete explanation.

So I was given the letter W from the acronym FELLOWSHIP which we are encouraged to pray over ourselves daily. Asking the Lord to fill us with these fruits… these aspirations for our lives in becoming like Him in knowing Him and loving Him by grace from Holy Spirit.

Fear.

Endurance.

Love.

Light of glory.

One thing focus.

Walking worthy.

Speech.

Humility.

Intimacy.

Peace and Joy.

So this is what I wrote out for Walking Worthy… my brief 2 minute teaching.

Example.

Then Boaz said to his young man who was in charge of the reapers, “Whose young woman is this?”

Ruth 2:5

Her faithfulness, her loving obedience brought her to a place of receiving strength, blessing, and power… walking worthy.

Asking for grace, for help from Holy Spirit that we may be cleansed, sanctified to gain victory over blind spots, places of corruption in our hearts. We are to have a worthy response to Jesus’ righteousness praying always to be counted worthy.

100% obedience and abandonment. for we are not going to stop 10 feet short of the finish line in a 10 mile race.

We want to hear Him say at the end of our lives on earth, “well done my faithful servant.”

i have such a desire in my heart to walk worthy.

"She will place on your head a graceful garland;
she will bestow on you a beautiful crown."
proverbs 4:9

a year ago in my journal i asked God for a crown of flowers from all the different places i have been to when i enter the kingdom of heaven. God told me He was already making me a crown. as i was talking with my sister on the phone a couple of days ago i realized all the traveling, meeting many different people, being exposed to many cultures, having my eyes opened to different perspectives of individuals, seeing His beautiful scenery has allowed me to receive a beautiful crown. wisdom/understanding is placing this garland composed of many flowers so delicately on my head marking the insight i have been so privileged to obtain. flowers are being added as i step into new environments, now locations. just as i see a facet or attribute of God in one culture i smell the unique refreshing scent of one of the distinct flowers in my crown.

i continue to love and treasure the pictures i receive.

I wash my robes in the blood of the Lamb

Now I'm dead to sin.

Made alive again.

I wash my robes in the blood of the Lamb.

Because I want to be like Him.

praise God for Jesus' blood that was shed, the light He shines, the life He gives, the opportunity to be like Him.

what has been on my heart.

“the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

                                                                2^nd Cor. 12:9

What does this look like?

                His power is so great… how could it so delicately and daintily rest upon me…

I see His hand pushing upon my back as I am sprawled out on a bed.

Though the springs are being exercised as the mattress touches the floor I am consumed with peace.

Because I know the weight of His power will give me the strength to get out of bed.

There is a certain amount of pressure, but it is like when He disciplines. He knows exactly what to do and how much to give or exert.

 So as I rise slowly on the mattress I feel His hand lessening but His power filling me.

I know He has come, changed me if just a small amount, and allowed me to rest as He worked His power into a position of prevailing.

“Sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick.”

Song of Songs 2:5.

My study notes on Song of Songs filled me in on the following…

The raisins are symbolic of the Holy Spirit… the joy and fullness of the Spirit.

The apple represents the satisfaction only found in Jesus.

Therefore, it is saying, “Sustain me with more of Your Holy Spirit and refresh me with more of Jesus.”

I love the symbolism, how Song of Songs is aesthetically pleasing. Often times I find myself sharing how I am doing, how I am feeling by using pictures or parallels.

Someone from my core group shared this past week the beauty of people closing their eyes when praying. We watched a movie updating us on the one year anniversary since the Haitian earthquake… over 10,000 people gathered together for 12 hours praising the Lord for His mercy, compassion, and grace. To see these peoples’ facial expressions with eagerness and expectation and then their eyes closed seeking out His beauty was one of the most precious sights. They are not surrounded by distractions, of” beautiful” temporary objects. They are consumed with seeking out and finding the beauty of the Father. With eyes closed their hearts and minds are opened to a whole other realm.

So with both of these artistic revelations, the verse from Song of Songs and the idea of closing your eyes when praying to seek out His beauty, my mind formed pondered and thought upon the beauty of abandonment.

To be 100% obedient to Him because He is my all in all… to have the obedience stem from affection towards Him in realizing more and more the love He has for me.

To trust as I close my eyes and know He will show me what this world could never reveal

To be sustained by His breath of life and nothing of my own

To be refreshed by the continuous thought that Jesus is worthy… I am entitled to nothing.

I have been receiving so much revelation on being carved out for Him so He can pour out who He is and the love He has for me inside of my heart, my inner man. He can only satisfy the void in my heart. The earthly pleasures are being pushed out… “gutted” out.  I don’t want to mix anything of this world with His holy, righteous, pure love.

He is showing me what I need to fully let go of. For He is a good Father and knows how I can be set free and set apart. He knows what keeps me attached and indulging in this world. So I am…

“letting go”

“being gutted out”

“being mesmerized as I close my eyes”

And “being sustained and refreshed by Holy Spirit.”

Some men trust in horses,

Some men trust in wheels of war,

Some men trust in riches,

But I will trust in You my Lord

It is better to take refuge in You.

As I sang these lyrics in my living room on Thursday night I felt my soul nodding in agreement as I grasped the implications of these words. This week has been a battle, but I have chosen to fight with God as my strength and might. I have trusted in Him. It leaves such a sweet taste in my month knowing I have the victory with Him. As I trust in God I find the partnership I get to have and experience with Him to have no comparison. God created humanity to delight in His garden, to tend the plants. And so we push through, asking for His grace and mercy and strength, and we get to delight in Him as He delights in us. I get to partner with Jesus as I pray or intercede for what is pressing upon God’s heart and racing in His mind. I get to be a part of His wonderful, beautiful, worthy story. And so clinging to Him this week as my circumstances and situations proved to be shaky I look back with an even more grateful heart in knowing He was with me the whole time. Extending His loving kindness the whole way through.

It is better to take REFUGE in You.

a short insert from my journal.

actually to add a little more to my story… a sort of transition… a couple weeks ago a woman gave me this verse.

 Song of Solomon 2:14.

“O my dove in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.”

the woman highlighted this season as a time of going away with God… a time of intimacy. an added element to the story is this verse written above was written in my journal (which i am making significant process in filling up right now.) when i was in mexico (at the beginning of 2009) i vividly remembered writing a song of solomon verse down, so i flipped to the front of my journal and lo and behold this same verse was written. over two years later this verse is specifically and significantly speaking to me. for He does say my voice is sweet and my face is lovely. how I love what God highlights in certain seasons and how there are reoccurring patterns throughout one’s life.

“Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, turn my beloved, be like a gazelle or a young stag on cleft mountains.” Song of Solomon 2:17.

out of fear, not feeling prepared, thinking she doesn’t have the strength to fully obey she tells Him to turn. i don’t want to tell Him to turn because of fear and unwillingness to obey. may my will be conformed to Yours. may my Yes be Your Yes. for He tells me my face is lovely and my voice is sweet . He says arise. may i respond and go away with Him.

“And he arose and came to his father, But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” Luke 15:20

This verse stuck out starkly in my mind today as our teacher went in deeper analyzing the 5 fold expression of the Father’s love for us in this verse. He made a solid point when saying, “This story (the prodigal son) applies to all areas of our lives where we are living far from His embrace… in land and open space of wastefulness.”  

The five parts of the expression are…

He SAW.

He felt COMPASSION.

He RAN.

He EMBRACED.

He KISSED him.

To see implies He was looking. God always has His gaze upon us. The mountains don’t move Him and yet a glance from us overwhelms Him. How deeply He longs for His children to look and behold His beauty. It is such a compliment… to know the Creator of the universe cannot take His eyes off of us and He is romanced and melts when He sees us staring back.

Compassion. This word has been speaking truth and echoing with agreement in my heart. This past Saturday I was encouraged by a woman who said, “I can see the compassion of God all over you.” Even reading through a verse today I was moved by the compassion, the mercy of our Lord. It says in Psalm 68:9-10, “Rain in abundance, O God, you shed abroad; you restored your inheritance as it languished; your flock found a dwelling in it; in your goodness, O God, you provided for the needy.” He restored His inheritance so His flock… His people… His congregation would be reassured of their Father’s love and be able to rest. I am expectant God will stir my heart more and more when reading passages about compassion in the Bible. I am praying the verses will empower me, equip me, and launch me into a time of my life where I will be working with mercy ministries.

God running. How beautiful that is. I love the picture I get, what I envision in my mind. I see Him running in a completely undignified state. Running in a sloppy manner as fast as possible… heart racing when thinking about His child choosing to come back. This is unfailing love.

Embraced. I think of the mountains in Norway that I was enveloped by on New Year’s Eve. How majestic, breathtaking, humbling, glorious was the sight. How sobering for the reality of my smallness to sink in. And yet I still felt Him embracing me. How gentle and compassionate.  

Kissed. My favorite part of the story. A promise of intimacy always and forever.  I am His treasure and He is investing His love in me giving me my worth. He will never compromise His love for us. This is the promise we can cling to. How gracious and kind He is.

I hope His love will strike a chord in your heart today… that you will choose and be drawn towards the Father who will show you His mercy, grace, and LOVE.