safety. protection. knowing you have a home.
my heart longs for this.
your heart longs for this.

i wrote this poem using the pronoun "he."
it was for a guy i met some days after i wrote it. it was so perfect. so God.
the poem of course also ministered to my heart and i felt led to share.

the color of his pale blue eyes long for peace
cheeks flush as his tears start to increase
reminiscing on the comfort of his sight
his mind building towers showing what is right
he thinks shelter comes in the form of walls
crumbling.
he grovels as he crawls.
security finds no space in his mind
furious thoughts, what did i leave behind...
He replied, "what was worthy to be found
in My heart I see you as royalty crowned
your permanent residence is with Me
rise up son. home is to know you are free."

i have missed writing.
i have been through a season when the pen has found its residence in my bag, on the floor, in a jar, but rarely in my hand.

then i wrote this poem below inspired by a phrase a dear friend shared with me.

as soon as the words rolled off her tongue they spilled with excitement into my heart.

sitting on a chartreuse chair in my room my heart found comfort as the pen found itself embraced by strength and peace.

her body was not just right
her eyes limited her sight
her breath unstable and short
her thoughts too complex to sort
her legs were feeble and weak
constantly something to tweak

He thought she's the one I choose
Her weaknesses i will use
Each step will cause her to praise
A victory consists of days
She doubts conquering unknowns
Body and mind utter groans
Then He says, "Look at her heart
Everything is there to start
The unreachable she will see
Revealed by her heart of purity."

i grew up sitting at the grown up's table. i was always intrigued by the conversation and even at age seven, eight, or nine found it more worth my time to be distracted by big words versus being distracted by the loud obnoxious yelling coming from a friend, my sister, or a cousin. i did allow my imagination to explore in more simple settings but what i really craved was an intellectual conversation that made me feel important just by participating in it.

now lets fast forward to the present day... an event that occurred last night to be more specific.

upon removing my finger nail polish i knew i was in for a treat. my five year old cousin wanted to upgrade my nails. i smirked as she grasped the nail polish brush ever so tightly. i had requested her to use yellow but she responded with, "Lets make your hand a rainbow." granted we only got to two nails before she was preoccupied with beautifying my hair. however, i cannot help but smile with contentment when looking at my right hand. the finger nail polish is smeared on my skin and there are obvious gaps where the brush accidentally missed. she only needed to stroke the nail once to be completely satisfied with her work.

so as i was sitting in my cousin's perfectly pink princess room last night i wanted to giggle to myself. the first thought that popped into my mind was, "i am being beautified by simplicity." i love how my cousin brought me into her world. all that was on her mind was exemplifying my beauty. her mind was on the moment and she wanted to love in a most pure, unhindered way. 

as all of these memories, thoughts, and giggles were coming together i realized in the past week i have been receiving so many blessings as i have been simply surrendering.

i want God to be the one who controls my life. now i might not always feel like is what i want but at the core of my being this is what i cry out for.

when i allow God to control i am put in a place where i have to trust that He will provide.

i have to trust in His love.

i have to trust in the words that He has spoken to and over me.

so this is the truth.

simply...

i am His daughter.

He is my provider.

He is obsessed with my needs.

i am loved unconditionally by Him.

although i still appreciate intellectual conversations today i find myself thirsting for moments of getting my nails painted, sitting in a setting where i cannot help but think i am a princess as the pink envelopes me, and hearing God call me "Daughter." i want to be saturated in His truth that i know i often times find myself overanalyzing and mulling over until it gets dull. i want His sharp truth to pierce me. may my heart and mind be beautified by simplicity. 

destiny. a poem which was discovered woven into my heart.

a shelter with no walls and no roof

His grace flowing, building strength and truth

a colorful expanse of land beckoning "come"

immediately my heart knows this is where i'm from

His arms reach down and His hands open wide

freedom brushes my cheek as though i have flied

His heart echoes eternal love in never ending stomping ground

resting in intimacy, dignified, knowing i have been found

"for God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus."
philippians 1:8


paul wrote these words to the body of believers in philippi. i read this and feel provoked and stirred to love with the affection of Christ Jesus. 


so God what does this mean to love with the affection of Jesus Christ? how can i go deeper than just merely scratching the surface? what does it practically look like? what do you want to prompt me to do with this verse?


within the past couple of months i have discovered the answer.


TIME.


i sat with a dear friend of mine some weeks ago for over three hours. we spent TIME together. we spoke value into each other's lives as we chose to sit, listen, ask questions, discover, and encourage. we walked away both feeling and knowing this time would not be forgotten and considered a precious moment of our summers. she was touched by my willingness to spend time with her even with my busy schedule and even more because she is double my age. i was touched by her heart, wisdom, and many stories.


when i was in india i chose to sit with a man by the name of Raj. he had lost his legs from the knees down and he was sitting on a tarp with a money cup in front of him. i asked questions. i listened to him talk about his life. i shared with him glimpses of who Jesus is. i prayed for him at the end. 
he made a comment towards the end of the conversation that struck me.
"it really means something when people choose to spend time with me. it is easy for people to stop for a couple of seconds, drop some coins in a cup, and then leave. i really appreciate the people who take time."


Jesus walked.
He took time.
i don't want to lose an opportunity to spread the affection of Jesus Christ.


as i talked to my mom today she used a perfect phrase. "God is answering my prayers. He is opening my eyes." she said this after seeing a veteran on the side of the road and feeling prompted to just go sit and hear his story.


when our attention, our focus is drawn to the individuals around us and not to our watches we have the opportunity to see and the ability to love in extravagant ways. 


we have been empowered by and through God to live like this.


to see.
to take the time.
to listen.
to love with Christ's affection.


to summarize i will end with a quote from the novel/movie "extremely loud and incredibly close."
oskar (the protaganist) stumbles upon this realization as he searches for the treasure his father left behind.


"But it wasn't working... because people aren't like numbers. They're more like letters... and those letters want to become stories... and dad said that stories need to be shared."

a testimony of seeing the potential in each and every one of His children in India. 

i traveled to india from the middle of march to the middle of may co-leading a YWAM team from norway.


our team prayed beforehand and we all thought we would work with children ministries while being in this nation of colors, smiles, and fragrances.


it happened. the first month we were in new delhi we worked with wild, crazy, and beautiful children.


the first place we did ministry was at the treasure house. it is a place where slum children go to be fed, taught, and ultimately loved.


the second week we were at the treasure house our team decided to do a different kind of program than usual. (normally we would play games, tell bible stories, or do crafts.)

we decided to focus on identity, worth, and speaking truth over the children. 

a couple of us from the team shared our testimonies about our identities.

then we had the children come up one by one (there were a dozen children there that day) and look at themselves in a mirror. 

we called out their names and then one person from the team encouraged them. each team member encouraged two children. we had prayed beforehand and asked God what He thought about each one of them. 

we had no idea how they would respond but we were amazed at the work God did in that half an hour. 

some children looked at themselves with such confidence i don’t think they’ve ever seen in themselves.

some could not stop smiling.

one little girl shed tears. as i spoke about her heart of compassion and how she is like a beautiful purple flower tears rolled down her cheeks.

we were able to be vessels in pouring out God’s truth and moving one step closer in our desire for the people of North India to believe that they are loved and valued by God.

may the truth of these words set them free. they are royalty.

they have a destiny.

when we choose to learn from others it is like washing their feet. it is being willing to listen intently to what they are saying. validating who they are. blessing them. it is putting aside all of our own opinions and choosing to be with them to understand. to be refreshed with another perspective. to understand their mind. to understand their heart. to relish in the TIME of loving them with no reservations, no walls.


i want to be a life time learner.
one who is willing to learn is a disciple.
i want to be a disciple.
what do i as God's daughter want people to see and taste of the Father when they see me?
what do i want them to learn by seeing me act the way i do, speak the way i speak, dance the way i dance?
what i learn from my brothers and sisters through Holy Spirit i want to fully digest, fully receive. then i want to distribute the richness of the truth which has been freely given to me.
i want a river to naturally flow through me so what i learn would spill over the sides of my heart, flow into and out of my mouth, my hands, and then flow into another person's being.


while being in Latvia for almost a week i saw not only an illustration of the Bride of Christ but the actual, breathing body that God says He is preparing and establishing. over 300 people from 21 nations gathered together to serve a city. the statistics from our ministry time amaze me but what amazes me more is the family i found. i like to believe i sat at many peoples' feet and washed them. i chose to listen. i chose to ask questions. i chose to ask God for His eyes to actually see them. to love them. to learn from them.


the river inside of me naturally flowed filling me with joy. i could not help but sing and dance. what i learned from my brothers and sisters through Holy Spirit came out of me in a crazy wild expression of His extravagant love.

what if we dared to dream on a daily basis?


this has been my goal for the week.
every day God has brought people into my life and invited me into the most delightful experiences to revive the passion and enthusiasm of dreaming.


i want to be an artist. even if it starts with FINGER PAINTING.
i want to write a novel.
i want to teach children about the Word of God.
i want to have a family.
i want to see people set free, be restored, and FORGIVE.
i want to be an intercessor.
i want to travel to Israel and spend time in the prayer room in Jerusalem.
i want to have a hospitality home with a big library, a gigantic white porch, and colors flooding every wall.
i want to dance outrageously. wildly. extravagantly. 
i want to learn another language.


the Father delights in our dreaming. 
a ship on the expanse of His undiscovered grace.
so much more to be seen. savored. and embraced.

Rejoice. 
Fryder.


this is my word for 2012. as i was driving for an extended period of time while being back in the states i decided to ask God for my word for the year.
the word which had been stirring in my mind and heart since Christmas Eve was "Rejoice!"
at the Christmas Eve service we sang "Rejoice. Rejoice. Emmanuel." and my heart was captivated and drawn to these beautiful words. i eagerly took hold of the word and started planting it in my heart.
God did not have a problem reemphasizing it the morning of january 2nd as i was preparing to go back to norway.
as i stood in my mother's bathroom somewhat hesitant to go back as i desired more time to stay and invest in appleton, WI the words from Philippians 4:4 popped into my mind.
i heard a distinct voice in my head say, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I'll say it again rejoice." i am not going to lie... a part of me was resistant to hear these words and even more so to take them to heart. throughout the day God softened my heart as i looked to Him. i opened up receiving once again the revelation that God's timing is perfect and being grateful for the time i did have in appleton.


what does it look like to rejoice always?
what will Papa allow me to experience to really embrace and more deeply understand this word?
what will He teach me from His truth?
what will i learn about perseverance and joy in the midst of struggles and discipline?


last week i received a picture where i was standing on a sand dune by the ocean. the wind was wrapping itself around me and the sun was radiant. God said, "Hailley Jo, you are so worthy." not only could i hear God say this to me i could feel it as the sun beamed on me in my white dress, as the scent of the sea filled my nostrils, and the wind brushed across my legs, my back, and my cheeks. a flood of peace and joy came over me. i can rejoice in who He had made me to be and what He speaks over me. rejoicing in being His daughter.


His truth. His voice. His promises.
the most worthy.
all to be rejoiced in.


what word will God give you for this year?